Soured

[alivemagdolene]

I'm finding myself disappointed in this article. I'm aware I'm not a mother so therefore I lack that insight. I realize that Valenti does, however fleetingly, point out a few of the injustices nursing mothers face.

But she fails to address the institutionalized misogyny that existed (and in some circles continues to exist) surrounding breast-feeding. For years, generations of women were told (almost always by male doctors in a male-dominated medical establishment) what their bodies produced naturally for their babies was inferior to one of any of the commercial formulas available. Breast-milk is still perceived by many as something disgusting and/or unhygienic and the idea of breast-feeding in public equal to masturbating in public.

Of course making the choice not to breast-feed shouldn't be treated as tantamount to child abuse. But the idea that the shaming of mothers who don't breastfeed is not only equal to but greater than the shaming of the act of breast-feeding in general is ridiculous. At least to me.

Comments

[meaculpa-g.livejournal.com]

WHATISTHISIDONTEVEN

Feminists in general need to stop disappointing me, especially Valenti and rape apologist extraordinaire, Naomi Wolf.

Valenti needs to take her cis-gendered, middle-class, thin white lady view of Feminism and, errr, shove it. It's difficult for me to even type that, but it still needs to be said.

I will admit to this though. I had a student in one of my first Creative Writing classes, a young, gorgeous girl with killer pipes, who began the semester very pregnant, and ended it by taking a single day off from school to have the baby. I had the gall to ask her if she intended to breast feed, and when she said, "No, I don't want saggy tits," I gave her a hard time about it. I told her what a wonderful bonding experience it can be, and she just rolled her eyes at me. I found myself feeling sorry for her, that she wouldn't have the opportunity to connect with her child the way I did with mine.

None of this, of course, was any of my business. And since that time, I've tried to, not so much check my privilege at the door (because it's always there, whether I choose to acknowledge it or not), but realize that privilege and prejudice exist side by side, one informing the other.

[alivemagdolene.livejournal.com]

I've had to completely write off Naomi Wolf. Whether the Tweets were meant to be "tongue-in-cheek" or not, I just can't... I dunno. Justify them. Sigh.

I can appreciate (a bit) where she's coming from with some women not having the time (although to make it sound as though it's a leisurely activity the way she does in the article squicks me-- from so many mothers now including you I realize it's a beautiful experience, but it's still caring for your child responsibly, not just a luxury) due to professional obligations, but to equate that (or to make it sound as though it's worse!) to the misogyny that still exists around breastfeeding is beyond fucked up.

I'm sorta on the outs with Valenti. She left out a big population in all of her books (bisexual women) and given the particular sexism that surrounds us, you'd think she'd know better. I actually left a (respectful) message on her FormSpring stating I was a fan and asking if she planned to talk about the sexism revolving around bisexual women in any of her future work (I know she's straight, but she's talked about sexism involving lesbians). She's answered questions from other people that left stuff after I did, mostly fan squee. Maybe I'm just flattering myself expecting a response to that when she's got a baby and a book tour to do.

I don't think (again, I speak as a non-parent) that asking if someone intends to breastfeed is any worse than any other question about parenting, especially coming from someone that's a parent. And that's such a fucking stupid reason. It reminds me of the fact many women are breastfeeding since they've heard it's a great way to drop the pregnancy weight. I know the end result is what's key, but the idea of "HEY, HOW ABOUT THE FACT THE PERFECT FOOD IS COMING OUT OF YOUR BODY FOR YOUR BABY AND YOU SHOULD IGNORE THE BULLSHIT THAT YOU'VE BEEN FED BY THE MALE-DOMINATED MEDICAL ESTABLISHMENT FOR SO LONG AND THE MEDIA ABOUT HOW BREAST-MILK IS 'GROSS'!?!" is hard to resist saying. Or screaming. Whatever.

[alivemagdolene.livejournal.com]

ADDENDUM: ANNNNNDDDD I realize now it was through Valenti that I first heard the term "lactivist", particularly in response to misogynist practices (I recall her description of a "nurse-in" after a Victoria Secret objected to a patron nursing in *gasp* ONE OF THEIR FITTING AREAS!).