Soured

[alivemagdolene]

I'm finding myself disappointed in this article. I'm aware I'm not a mother so therefore I lack that insight. I realize that Valenti does, however fleetingly, point out a few of the injustices nursing mothers face.

But she fails to address the institutionalized misogyny that existed (and in some circles continues to exist) surrounding breast-feeding. For years, generations of women were told (almost always by male doctors in a male-dominated medical establishment) what their bodies produced naturally for their babies was inferior to one of any of the commercial formulas available. Breast-milk is still perceived by many as something disgusting and/or unhygienic and the idea of breast-feeding in public equal to masturbating in public.

Of course making the choice not to breast-feed shouldn't be treated as tantamount to child abuse. But the idea that the shaming of mothers who don't breastfeed is not only equal to but greater than the shaming of the act of breast-feeding in general is ridiculous. At least to me.

Comments

[meaculpa-g.livejournal.com]

WHATISTHISIDONTEVEN

Feminists in general need to stop disappointing me, especially Valenti and rape apologist extraordinaire, Naomi Wolf.

Valenti needs to take her cis-gendered, middle-class, thin white lady view of Feminism and, errr, shove it. It's difficult for me to even type that, but it still needs to be said.

I will admit to this though. I had a student in one of my first Creative Writing classes, a young, gorgeous girl with killer pipes, who began the semester very pregnant, and ended it by taking a single day off from school to have the baby. I had the gall to ask her if she intended to breast feed, and when she said, "No, I don't want saggy tits," I gave her a hard time about it. I told her what a wonderful bonding experience it can be, and she just rolled her eyes at me. I found myself feeling sorry for her, that she wouldn't have the opportunity to connect with her child the way I did with mine.

None of this, of course, was any of my business. And since that time, I've tried to, not so much check my privilege at the door (because it's always there, whether I choose to acknowledge it or not), but realize that privilege and prejudice exist side by side, one informing the other.

[alivemagdolene.livejournal.com]

I've had to completely write off Naomi Wolf. Whether the Tweets were meant to be "tongue-in-cheek" or not, I just can't... I dunno. Justify them. Sigh.

I can appreciate (a bit) where she's coming from with some women not having the time (although to make it sound as though it's a leisurely activity the way she does in the article squicks me-- from so many mothers now including you I realize it's a beautiful experience, but it's still caring for your child responsibly, not just a luxury) due to professional obligations, but to equate that (or to make it sound as though it's worse!) to the misogyny that still exists around breastfeeding is beyond fucked up.

I'm sorta on the outs with Valenti. She left out a big population in all of her books (bisexual women) and given the particular sexism that surrounds us, you'd think she'd know better. I actually left a (respectful) message on her FormSpring stating I was a fan and asking if she planned to talk about the sexism revolving around bisexual women in any of her future work (I know she's straight, but she's talked about sexism involving lesbians). She's answered questions from other people that left stuff after I did, mostly fan squee. Maybe I'm just flattering myself expecting a response to that when she's got a baby and a book tour to do.

I don't think (again, I speak as a non-parent) that asking if someone intends to breastfeed is any worse than any other question about parenting, especially coming from someone that's a parent. And that's such a fucking stupid reason. It reminds me of the fact many women are breastfeeding since they've heard it's a great way to drop the pregnancy weight. I know the end result is what's key, but the idea of "HEY, HOW ABOUT THE FACT THE PERFECT FOOD IS COMING OUT OF YOUR BODY FOR YOUR BABY AND YOU SHOULD IGNORE THE BULLSHIT THAT YOU'VE BEEN FED BY THE MALE-DOMINATED MEDICAL ESTABLISHMENT FOR SO LONG AND THE MEDIA ABOUT HOW BREAST-MILK IS 'GROSS'!?!" is hard to resist saying. Or screaming. Whatever.

[alivemagdolene.livejournal.com]

ADDENDUM: ANNNNNDDDD I realize now it was through Valenti that I first heard the term "lactivist", particularly in response to misogynist practices (I recall her description of a "nurse-in" after a Victoria Secret objected to a patron nursing in *gasp* ONE OF THEIR FITTING AREAS!).

[acerc.livejournal.com]

My mom breast fed me, my brother and my sister. There was no question of my mom NOT breastfeeding. This was in the days of Benjamin Spock's guide to infant upbringing. I suspect the American experience maybe up till the early 70s was similar, with breast feeding being the norm.

It kinda figures doctors would push sponsor's products.

You also have to consider social mores of the time. 50 years ago, what was deemed acceptable in public is radically different to what is acceptable now.

The action of breastfeeding also provides the infant with the necessary antibodies to ward off infection, at least for the initial six months. Breastfed babies are more intelligent and stronger as well.

[alivemagdolene.livejournal.com]

Actually (I'm going by not only accounts I've read, but what I was told by women in my family), apparently in at least the '30s, '40s, '50s, and '60s over here, women were taught that breastfeeding was "un-sterile". My father's mother bore babies from the early 'thirties to the mid 'forties and was told that breastmilk was "unhygienic" and even a danger to the baby. My grandmother, out of economics (five children, poor immigrants raising first generation Americans) and what she was taught, breastfed her five children for as long as she could, which in those days meant until they were able to chew anything, in which case they were quickly transferred to baby food.

My mother's mother raised children from the late '40s to the late '50s and got the same bs about "hygiene" except she bought it and even believed it up until my own mother started having children in the mid-70's and joined the La Leche League.

As for my father's sister who bore children from the early '50s to the mid '70s, she
heard the same garbage about breastmilk being "unhygienic" (despite the vast medical advances between the '50s and the '70s ) that my grandmothers heard before her and suffered through eight pregnancies worth of formula (in the case of my older cousins, the doctors and nurses actually refused to let her nurse the babies-- as a dad, I'm especially sure you can appreciate the need to placate a screaming, hungry kid). And I've had plenty of friends growing up that had new brothers and sisters and parroted their mothers' stances on breastfeeding: "Formula's better for the baby", "Breastmilk is gross", and other such enlightened stances (and we're talking the early to mid '90s here).

I'm aware that doctors are so frequently in the pocket of drug companies, but I'm comforted by the fact that there are a few that acknowledge breastmilk is flat-out best.

I guess it's my frustration that we haven't come further as a society in fifty years in many arenas, but particularly this one. It was considered scandalous to show a woman pregnant on television-- showing a woman breastfeeding (and not having it be part of a joke) on network TV now seems as though it has the same effect (with those not "disgusted" quick to claim that it would somehow be "pressuring" women to breastfeed).

Fully and wholeheartedly agree with your last statement! Too bad more people don't realize that/refuse to acknowledge it. :^\

[acerc.livejournal.com]

As you noted, things were a lot different in America. I cannot speak with authority about the situation in the UK, only from personal recollection however.

There is a definite bond formed when the mother is able to spend time with the baby, including breast feeding, instead of handing off that role to a Grandparent or Nanny.

I believe society develops taboos about certain parts of the human body. They range from one extreme of the burka to nudism. I guess if women could walk around topless like men do on hot days it would certainly change stereotypical opinion.

[alivemagdolene.livejournal.com]

Heh, funny story about the last bit-- when I was maybe 13, I was playing tennis with my older brother and my dad and being summer outside Baltimore, it was hot as hell. So my brother took off his shirt to play and without thinking, I said "Wish I could do that!"
My brother felt bad, so he put his shirt back on. Were I older/smarter, I would've said he didn't have to, I understand that it's just the way it is, but I still think it's sweet (particularly coming from a 21-year-old, which he was at the time).

My father, of course, being an Italian-American and quite hefty, was required by law to keep his shirt on. ;^)