Book-It 'o9! Book #39
Sep. 28th, 2009 07:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alivemagdoleneMore of the Fifty Books Challenge! This was a library request.
Title: He's a Stud, She's a Slut, and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know by Jessica Valenti
Details: Copyright 2008, Seal Press
Synopsis (By Way of Back Cover): "Double standards are nothing new. Women deal with them every day. Consider the following examples:
• He's a Hipster, She's a Ho
• He's Gay, She's a Fantasy
• He's Angry, She's PMSing
• He's Independent, She's Pathetic
• He's Successful, She's a Showoff
• He's Dating a Younger Woman, She's a Cougar
Women are held to a different standard than men. And mostly we just put up with it-- but we don't have to. Jessica Valenti offers 50 solutions to 50 of the most pressing double standards that women confront. With sass, humor, and in-your-face facts, she informs and equips women with the tools they need to combat sexist comment, topple ridiculous stereotypes, and end the promotion of insidious double standards"
Why I Wanted to Read It: I was somewhat familiar with Valenti but had never actually read her stuff. I ran across The Purity Myth on Atomic Books's virtual shelf and my library didn't have that, but it did have this.
How I Liked It: A bit of trepidation goes into this as Valenti is not only a blogger, but a famous blogger, and there's the relatively new blogs vs books quandry "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Fortunately, this book for the most part does not wander into blog territory, its writing stays a book which is extremely useful given that this book makes a great book to have a hand to give out to the women in your life (and, frankly, the men, since as the hoary saying goes, no one is free when others are oppressed).
Valenti's style is occasionally a little too informal (and thus risking of falling into blog-as-book territory): she refers to the female genitalia as cooters, na-nas, vajayjays among other names and it lacks the ease of informality that Inga Muscio puts forth so well.
But overall, her slang and, so help me, "sass" don't overpower the book and all points come across with fair ease. Also notable is the fact Valenti doesn't fall into the trap so many even well-intentioned do, of heteronormativity and causonormativity (yeah, I invented that word but it's necessary)when it comes to the "why this should matter to you" aspects (although in the chapter "He's Gay, She's a Fantasy" she leaves out any mention of bisexual women who more frequently fall victim to the "fantasy" trap). She also lists sources plentifully and there's a fair-sized "NOTES" section in the back of the book.
But best of all, she offers counteractions at the end of each chapter (convenient!) with everything from suggestions for linguistic replacements or abolishments to directions to blogs and websites where you can both find information and take (sometimes legal) action. All in all, a short but sweet and essential book.
Notable: In the chapter "He Walks Freely, She Gets Harassed", Valenti addresses the problem many women face of being verbally accosted in public, whether it's the more benign "Why aren't you smiling?" (which is sadly a lot more common than I thought) or the outright offensive "compliments" about a woman's sexual attractiveness. Of the former, she says
"That's why the harassment that annoys me the most is the kind that's not overtly sexual. My biggest pet peeve? When a random guy on the street asks me, 'Why aren't you smiling?' The assumption is that (a) because I'm a woman, I should be happy and smiling and accommodating looking at all times, and (b) he has the right to comment on my mood. I find it infuriating, which is why I usually respond, 'Because assholes like you make it impossible for me to walk to the subway in peace.'" (pg 150,151)
She offers other retorts, including asking the harassers if they'd talk that way to their mother or their sister, if they think it's okay to disrespect women.
But most interestingly, she recommends websites like Hollaback "that encourage women to take pictures of their harassers with their camera phones and send them in to the blog with the harassment story. (Their tagline is, 'if you can't slap 'em, smack 'em!') Make those fuckers public knowledge!" (pg 153)
Much is made about the "media age" we live in. The news networks work themselves up into a frenzy over camera phones, Twitter, Facebook... you know the rest. The idea of actually seeing that technology for what it is, an extremely useful tool, and implementing it thusly, is wonderful and needs to be encouraged. The first "Hollaback" on Google (and the one linked to above) will take you to the NYC version, but they do have seventeen other locations around the world (mostly in the US). I took only took a cursory glance at the site, but it does seem as though it would encourage you to start your own Hollaback blog for your city if it doesn't already have one.
Also on the site was this heartbreaking and relevant video for anyone left who "doesn't get it".
Title: He's a Stud, She's a Slut, and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know by Jessica Valenti
Details: Copyright 2008, Seal Press
Synopsis (By Way of Back Cover): "Double standards are nothing new. Women deal with them every day. Consider the following examples:
• He's a Hipster, She's a Ho
• He's Gay, She's a Fantasy
• He's Angry, She's PMSing
• He's Independent, She's Pathetic
• He's Successful, She's a Showoff
• He's Dating a Younger Woman, She's a Cougar
Women are held to a different standard than men. And mostly we just put up with it-- but we don't have to. Jessica Valenti offers 50 solutions to 50 of the most pressing double standards that women confront. With sass, humor, and in-your-face facts, she informs and equips women with the tools they need to combat sexist comment, topple ridiculous stereotypes, and end the promotion of insidious double standards"
Why I Wanted to Read It: I was somewhat familiar with Valenti but had never actually read her stuff. I ran across The Purity Myth on Atomic Books's virtual shelf and my library didn't have that, but it did have this.
How I Liked It: A bit of trepidation goes into this as Valenti is not only a blogger, but a famous blogger, and there's the relatively new blogs vs books quandry "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Fortunately, this book for the most part does not wander into blog territory, its writing stays a book which is extremely useful given that this book makes a great book to have a hand to give out to the women in your life (and, frankly, the men, since as the hoary saying goes, no one is free when others are oppressed).
Valenti's style is occasionally a little too informal (and thus risking of falling into blog-as-book territory): she refers to the female genitalia as cooters, na-nas, vajayjays among other names and it lacks the ease of informality that Inga Muscio puts forth so well.
But overall, her slang and, so help me, "sass" don't overpower the book and all points come across with fair ease. Also notable is the fact Valenti doesn't fall into the trap so many even well-intentioned do, of heteronormativity and causonormativity (yeah, I invented that word but it's necessary)when it comes to the "why this should matter to you" aspects (although in the chapter "He's Gay, She's a Fantasy" she leaves out any mention of bisexual women who more frequently fall victim to the "fantasy" trap). She also lists sources plentifully and there's a fair-sized "NOTES" section in the back of the book.
But best of all, she offers counteractions at the end of each chapter (convenient!) with everything from suggestions for linguistic replacements or abolishments to directions to blogs and websites where you can both find information and take (sometimes legal) action. All in all, a short but sweet and essential book.
Notable: In the chapter "He Walks Freely, She Gets Harassed", Valenti addresses the problem many women face of being verbally accosted in public, whether it's the more benign "Why aren't you smiling?" (which is sadly a lot more common than I thought) or the outright offensive "compliments" about a woman's sexual attractiveness. Of the former, she says
"That's why the harassment that annoys me the most is the kind that's not overtly sexual. My biggest pet peeve? When a random guy on the street asks me, 'Why aren't you smiling?' The assumption is that (a) because I'm a woman, I should be happy and smiling and accommodating looking at all times, and (b) he has the right to comment on my mood. I find it infuriating, which is why I usually respond, 'Because assholes like you make it impossible for me to walk to the subway in peace.'" (pg 150,151)
She offers other retorts, including asking the harassers if they'd talk that way to their mother or their sister, if they think it's okay to disrespect women.
But most interestingly, she recommends websites like Hollaback "that encourage women to take pictures of their harassers with their camera phones and send them in to the blog with the harassment story. (Their tagline is, 'if you can't slap 'em, smack 'em!') Make those fuckers public knowledge!" (pg 153)
Much is made about the "media age" we live in. The news networks work themselves up into a frenzy over camera phones, Twitter, Facebook... you know the rest. The idea of actually seeing that technology for what it is, an extremely useful tool, and implementing it thusly, is wonderful and needs to be encouraged. The first "Hollaback" on Google (and the one linked to above) will take you to the NYC version, but they do have seventeen other locations around the world (mostly in the US). I took only took a cursory glance at the site, but it does seem as though it would encourage you to start your own Hollaback blog for your city if it doesn't already have one.
Also on the site was this heartbreaking and relevant video for anyone left who "doesn't get it".
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no subject
Date: 2009-09-28 01:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-28 01:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-28 01:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-28 01:21 pm (UTC)At my old job (The Bombay Company) we used to have these bastards that would yell shit at me as as they walked by while we were doing the window displays. Once, while moving a desk in one of the displays with my (female) colleague, our butts briefly pressed against the window glass and a businessman walking by took a picture. That was in addition to the assholes that would actually come in the store and say shit. *sigh* And then there was the fuckers that thought they had the right to cop a feel just because I was helping them move furniture to their car.
Basic human decency FAIL(s).
I'm so going to try Valenti's "Smile" line the next time someone says it.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-28 02:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-28 06:45 pm (UTC)I have to say, I especially love her chapter about women and humor since they claim feminists lack one (yet some of the funniest mofos I've ever met were dyed-in-the-wool-of-awesome feminists).
no subject
Date: 2009-09-28 11:37 pm (UTC)And that video broke my heart -- it captured so much in such a short space of time. I'm a fan of poetry (am I over-assuming?) put with film, so I think it spoke very powerfully about how shit you feel after being "complimented". The line I adore most is, "You expect me to feel honored by your recognition." Captures the discomfort of catcalled women beautifully.
Hollaback sounds like a great sight. And I finally have a use for my camera phone.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-29 12:16 am (UTC)That video was poetry. And I think really does put a name on the bullshit "Oh, it's a compliment!" As I've ranted at length, it's not about attraction, it's a way of degrading someone. If you actually made a sexual overture towards any of those assholes, they run yelping in terror 'cause they couldn't handle it, it's only when they're degrading you (or trying to) that they have a voice. < /spittle-flecked ranting >
I haven't been carrying my phone since it's as basically a paperweight at this point, but I think the idea of (stay with me, this is lame) pretending to get a picture would scare the fuck out of potential attackers. I mean, the idea of internet notoriety apparently scares some dicks more than pepper spray.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-29 05:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-29 11:37 am (UTC)And yeah, it isn't just unenlightened dipshits, it's also unenlightened dipshits with genuine malice that are using sex as a means of demeaning someone, if they have no other way. It's annoying as shit to have to just ignore them so I try and go for the passing bitchslap (rather than try and engage them with something like "Do you disrespect all women?" and/or "Would you talk to your mother or sister that way?") that leaves them scratching their heads while I powerwalk the fuck away as quickly as possible.
A few I've actually used when I had the energy/strength/bravery:
"Your boyfriend looks like the jealous type," (yeah, I stole that from The Simpsons) or some permutation thereof.
"Bitch, please." These types of fuckwads get confused when you call them things they use to demean you. I've never been brave enough to say cunt to one of them.
"You gonna let him talk to you like that?" directed towards another male than who spoke, a variation on the sentiments in number one. Gesturing helps. I realize this is pretty weak, but it's bought me time while they were trying to figure out who the fuck I was addressing and about whom.