You Say It's My Birthday?

[alivemagdolene]

6:06 AM, Monday, June 18th, 2007 will mark the twenty-fourth anniversary of my arrival into this life. Some have asked what I would like for my birthday, so I have compiled an abbreviated list. Ahem...

#1. The West Memphis Three finally freed

#2. The ability to disable the vocal cords of anyone who starts talking about American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, or Paris Hilton with my mind

#3. A new surgeon general that's competent for the job and not a complete and total asshole bigot

#4. A chance to punch Carlos Mencia, Snoop Dogg, Howard Stern, and Larry the Cable Guy in their respective throats

#5. The ability to roundhouse kick (I've been practicing)

#6. The chance to ask each and everyone of the Republican presidential candidates why they are homophobes, on camera, or, failing this, the chance to ask George Stephanopoulos why he's a racist, also on camera

#7. A license to kill good for a week, or really, just one day

#8. The chance to piss on Jerry Falwell's grave after dancing on it stark naked

#9. The chance to bitch-slap the members of the Supreme Court that voted in favor of the federal abortion ban

#10. An army of flying cats

#11. The chance to bitch-slap the entire "Focus on the Family" crowd

#12. The right to punch anyone who calls himself a pimp in the throat without retaliation (this includes individuals that are actually in fact pimps)

#13. The right to beat anyone who proudly announces that he or she doesn't read and/or isn't registered to vote with a pillow case full of batteries

#14. The chance to be a raving, creepy performance artist for a day on a busy street corner, with a secret service back-up in case critics get a mite hairy in bestowing their opinions

#15. The chance to try primal scream therapy in a crowded Wal-mart




That said, I also have a wish list on Amazon.com and a tendency to get squishy by anyone just remembering the fact it's my birthday.